Well i was just wandering around an old friends website (she calls herself Miss Piggy), and thought that i should post this pearl of wisdom for any writers that my have writers block.

Is your muse misbehaving?

Well then this guide could help you.

Down at the Miss Piggy Institute (MPI) we’ve been doing extensive research on dealing with muses. There are several different options available to customers to get their muses working at peak efficiency.

Option One: Slap Your Muse Around a bit

Grab hold of your muse and keep slapping until they come up with some decent plot lines. This will make them see that you’re not messing around and need some action. Recommended highly for the S&M muses.

Warning: Not recommended if your muse is likely to slap you back, turn into a gibbering mess or if you actually like your muse.

Option Two: Feed Your Muse

It sounds so simple doesn’t it? That’s right! If you feed you muse your favourite vegetable - chocolate - your muse will get a sugar rush and it will help you get those idea’s down on paper. Recommended for the sweet toothed muse.

Warning: Make sure your muse does not suffer from diabetes before trying this procedure. Some muses might get addicted, and then you will have to keep feeding cranky muses.

Option Three: Talk to Your Muse

That’s right people, Muses have feelings too, and they don’t like it when you don’t pay them the gratitude they crave. (Thank you Gonzo for your editing – ed.). Withholding gratitude leads to the muse withholding ideas.

Warning: Some muses let the gratitude go to their heads. Gratitude in moderation is key

Option Four: Insult Your Muse

This is especially recommended when you are writing one of those difficult ‘fight’ or ‘argument’ scenes. Pick a fight with your muse and write it down when they insult you back. Your ‘argument’ scenes will stand out within your stories for years to come.

Warning: Not recommended if you have a sensitive muse. They make take offense and never come back.

Option Five: Get Your Muse in to a Silly Mood

Writing a scene that you want to be humorous? It will never work if your muse is in a somber mood. Take it out to see a funny movie (anything by Monty Python is highly recommended). Laugh at people on the street, jump up and down. Ideas will overflow from your muse, making for a good writing session.

Warning: Silly moods can be contagious.

Option Six: Procrastinate

This is one of Miss Piggy’s personal favorites. Overload yourself with things you don’t really want to do, and then your muse will flood you with ideas. You will be writing 3 chapters a night!

Warning: whatever you put off for your writing will still have to be done at some point in time.

We here at MPI hope that we have managed to help you deal with your muses to create the best you can in all your fictional writings. Remember all you need to do is put your muse in the right mood for the right scene. If all else fails, open up the dictionary, pick a word at random and base your whole story on that.

Happy Writing Peoples…