I just came back from my first Bollywood dancing lesson. What a workout! The teacher was great and encouraging. She is also deaf! You wouldn't know it unless you had seen the hearing aid. But Kudos to her, how fantastic to get over the disability and be an amazing teacher!

It was so funny because my brother signed up for the classes too and he ended up being the only guy there! The moves of the dance were decidedly feminine. Like moving your hips.

You know i'm on tonight and my hips don't lie ....

Rofl

So ... Every time i drive by the local pub lately, they have been advertising a Robbie Williams tribute show.

I don't understand tribute shows, unless they're tribute shows for bands that are long gone, like ABBA or the Jackson 5 or something. But a tribute show for Robbie Williams? If somebody out there does have as a good a voice as Robbie then why don't they try and get their own careers kick started instead of covering somebody who is still actively out there?

My new job is starting to restore my faith in call centres again, but customers still suck... really. Ok people if you're calling a call centre, just remember it is not the operators fault that things suck, they are just following the rules (or maybe they suck, but give them the benefit of the doubt)

Weekend! Finally! bring on Dewali! (is that how you spell it? its pronounced Devali anyways)

Yay! I finally have a day off, and i'm going to spend it doing the dishes, putting some finishing touch on my masters and lots of other general house work.

They put me on the phones yesterday, watch out world! It amazes me that so many people get so angry at privacy policy protection. I would hate it if someone posing as me called and fucked up my account. Oh well. Its in people's nature to complain I guess

I had a weird dream the night before last, some little old lady read my history on the guesthouses and said it was crap.

Well i was just wandering around an old friends website (she calls herself Miss Piggy), and thought that i should post this pearl of wisdom for any writers that my have writers block.

Is your muse misbehaving?

Well then this guide could help you.

Down at the Miss Piggy Institute (MPI) we’ve been doing extensive research on dealing with muses. There are several different options available to customers to get their muses working at peak efficiency.

Option One: Slap Your Muse Around a bit

Grab hold of your muse and keep slapping until they come up with some decent plot lines. This will make them see that you’re not messing around and need some action. Recommended highly for the S&M muses.

Warning: Not recommended if your muse is likely to slap you back, turn into a gibbering mess or if you actually like your muse.

Option Two: Feed Your Muse

It sounds so simple doesn’t it? That’s right! If you feed you muse your favourite vegetable - chocolate - your muse will get a sugar rush and it will help you get those idea’s down on paper. Recommended for the sweet toothed muse.

Warning: Make sure your muse does not suffer from diabetes before trying this procedure. Some muses might get addicted, and then you will have to keep feeding cranky muses.

Option Three: Talk to Your Muse

That’s right people, Muses have feelings too, and they don’t like it when you don’t pay them the gratitude they crave. (Thank you Gonzo for your editing – ed.). Withholding gratitude leads to the muse withholding ideas.

Warning: Some muses let the gratitude go to their heads. Gratitude in moderation is key

Option Four: Insult Your Muse

This is especially recommended when you are writing one of those difficult ‘fight’ or ‘argument’ scenes. Pick a fight with your muse and write it down when they insult you back. Your ‘argument’ scenes will stand out within your stories for years to come.

Warning: Not recommended if you have a sensitive muse. They make take offense and never come back.

Option Five: Get Your Muse in to a Silly Mood

Writing a scene that you want to be humorous? It will never work if your muse is in a somber mood. Take it out to see a funny movie (anything by Monty Python is highly recommended). Laugh at people on the street, jump up and down. Ideas will overflow from your muse, making for a good writing session.

Warning: Silly moods can be contagious.

Option Six: Procrastinate

This is one of Miss Piggy’s personal favorites. Overload yourself with things you don’t really want to do, and then your muse will flood you with ideas. You will be writing 3 chapters a night!

Warning: whatever you put off for your writing will still have to be done at some point in time.

We here at MPI hope that we have managed to help you deal with your muses to create the best you can in all your fictional writings. Remember all you need to do is put your muse in the right mood for the right scene. If all else fails, open up the dictionary, pick a word at random and base your whole story on that.

Happy Writing Peoples…

Well first day of training, and as i thought, i'm buggared. Apparently 7 people across the call centre went home sick with gastro. I've already had gastro twice this year and I was hoping that i wouldn't come in contact with it again. So now being the dutiful hyperchondriac that i am, i'm terrified that i'm going to get it a third time.

Anyway onto other things. Tonight's Simpsons epidsode is the flashback episode where Marge is pregnant with Bart. According to that episode Bart was born either in 1980 or 1981 which makes me 2 years older than him, what a scary thought!

No weird dreams last night. Just 4-5 hours sleep.

Repeats of Boston Legal are on tonight so i will leave you with these pearls of wisdom. Denny Crane! Names on the door! Mad Cow!

Watching the Bourne Identity (the one with Matt Damon) for the first time. The little woman keeps channel flicking during the ads and forgetting to go back. So i'm only getting bits and pieces of it. ARG!

I had a weird dream last night about Borat and Sascha Cohen or what ever his name is, from Da Ali G Show. Anyways it was both the character and the alter ego popping up in my bedroom. It was very bizarre.

Start training for work tomorrow. So i'm going to be buggared for the next few days cause i'm going to have to wake up in the actual morning for once.

Must get my Masters finished, i'm almost there, i can taste it. But i guess i'm subconsiously procrastinating. I've been a student for the past 7 years, i've forgotten what it is to be anything else.

Shield of Thunder is prooving to be entertaining. I did love Lord of the Silver Bow too, so its good that the next book in the series is not a disappointment. I love Odysseus's character, if only i could be such a storyteller.

I want to see that movie Children of Man, it looks like an interesting concept. I'm worried about the amount of handheld photography though. I don't understand why using it is the 'in' thing in most movies. I understand that it is supposed to make the movie more gritty and real. It kinda does accomplish that setting. But i hate leaving a movie with a headache, and i'm sure that the people to get motion sickness from it, feel the same way.

Must remember to make time to watch Seven Little Australians this week. "JUDE JUDE YOU CAN'T DIE!"

Currently reading: Shield of Thunder by David Gemmell (may he rest in peace)

Currently Crocheting: A toy unicorn as a Christmas present for my newest niece and a poncho, i don't know who for yet, i may try and sell it.

Working at the moment? Yes in a dodgy call centre! Damn having to temp for a living!

Well here's my amazing first post, set to stun the world.

I too have decided that it is time that people all over the world should have some access to the rather unremarkable things that I want to share.

I sit here at the moment lamenting that I have to wait another year for another Doctor Who series, while Romancing the Stone is the late night movie in the background. God! I used to love that movie when i was a kid. God knows why.

My life doesn't always revolve around Doctor Who, by the way. Its just such a damn good show that i'll miss watching it at 7.30 on a Saturday night.

Might read a book...